If You Give a Potter a Cookie
by TheGodMachine
Summary: James, possibly the worst chef in the world, decides to 'cook' a cookie for 'his' Lily...and then everyone dies! JK! pairings are JamesLily and others are questionable.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or 'This land is your land' and 'we shall not be moved' songs or the 'Romeo and Juliet' quote but I did modify them to fit the story. Also the Characters, Emily and Crystal, are based off my two friends. I also do not own the ninja turtles.

**(I M P O R T A N T—READ THIS…)** Just so everyone knows and so I don't get in trouble, a lot of plot ideas were inspired by my friend Emily (AnotherCrazedRedHead). She also gave me permission to use Francisco the pencil ('The Aftermath of Playing Monopolize.' ch.6) and Joshua/ Francine the squid ('Conversations with the Giant Squid'). This story is dedicated to Crystal (LuckyRandomHero) and Emily so therefore that is why they appear throughout the story. I also want to say that if you let it, this story can be a powerful, spiritual influence in your young life. I know this, because a friend after reading this story protested doing her morning, math warm ups by singing 'we shall not be moved' (and by stealing everyone's worksheets).

It stated in a science classroom, far, far away. Three losers (Noelle, Emily, and Crystal) were supposes to be watching a video about some guy (James Sadd, who for some reason is in every 80's science related movie we watch) who's overly passionate about weather. But, no, not these three teens…Instead they were discussing Harry Potter (Like they do every class period) like any avid fan girl. Suddenly Crystal whipped out those oh-so-addicting-girl-scout-cookies (Thin Mints if you care), giving Emily an idea and Noelle a story to write.

Thus beginning a story OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!!!!!!!

**If you give a potter a cookie…**

…**He'll want to share it with his Lily.**

**Chapter One**

"I'm serious, Sirius. This is the best darn cookie I've ever had," A dark haired boy with circular glasses and chocolate cookie crumbs on his nose and cheeks exclaimed. "It's even better than caramel Apple Oat Squares—"

"Yummy!" Sirius grinned.

"—Eggnog Cookies, Almond Toffee Cookies, Boiled Cookies, Amish Sugar Cookies—"

"Oh, stop, you're making me hungry," Sirius giggled.

"_I love it when you giggle,"_ Peter mumbled under his breath.

"—Apricot Cheese Cookies, Election Cookies, Beer Cookies —"

"Those are my favorite!" Sirius cried.

"Mine too, any way…Applesauce-Raisin Drop Cookies, Black Bottom Banana Bars—"

"My mom invented those when she was drunk and was in a really good mood. She stole my underwear from under my bed to make them…HAHA! GET IT? BLACK 'BOTTOM' BANANA! HAHAHA! Woo!" Sirius giggled and slapped his knee, "I crack my self up sometimes."

"Hehe…anyway—hey but this cookie had an interesting texture…more moist than any cookie I've ever had. I wonder why." James said

_He and his gang had been walking down a random hallway (Like they did every weekend) in a v-pattern, James in the lead. Behind him were Remus, Sirius, and Peter who trailed behind after having a nasty fall over a rubber ducky, which just happened to be in the middle of the hall. They swayed their shoulders in an over exaggerated masculine way and wiggled their eyebrows at every girl who they walked by._

_Their 'tough' image however had been broken when Peter frolicked up towards James and offered him a chocolate chip cookie._

"James, I'm glad you liked the cookie," Remus said, "But where are we? What hallway is this and—Peter where did you get that cookie?"

Peter gave a sheepish shrug. "I—"

"—REMUS, how rude! I'm proclaiming my love for cookies here!" James cried. "You know I love cookies almost as much as I love Quidditch."

"What about Lily?" Sirius asked, a little out of breath from giggling.

"She's number three on my list of favorite things. Its Quidditch, Cookies, and 'then' Lily…Wait a tick! I have the perfect idea! I'll make Lily a cookie and then she'll fall madly in love with me and we'll fly off into the sunset on my broomstick. It's the perfect combination of all three!"

"Can you put a love potion in a cookie?" Peter asked thoughtfully.

"No you idiot! With my mad-skill in the kitchen and poetic fingers, one bite from my cookies will somehow convey my feelings for her, and in her blissful state of content she'll realize how much she loves me more than the giant squid. It's genius!"

"James, that is so romantic," Sirius said and hugged James…after a few minutes of hugging and Sirius not letting go, (and Peter trying to squeeze in between them) James finally shoved the other boy off of him. "I'll help you cook the cookies."

"You don't 'cook' the cookies—" Remus began.

"Heck no! Are you crazy?!" James squealed, horrified. "What if Lily falls in love with you instead of me. I'm not going to let you anywhere near my cookies!" With that James angrily stormed off down the hall with Sirius hot on his tail. He was crying out that he wanted to lick the spoon. The two never realized they were walking in the wrong direction or (most important of all) looking unmanly as they did so.

Remus sighed, "Peter, where did you get that cookie?"

Peter shrugged, "I found it on the floor when I fell." He pointed to a dusty, dirty corner where a sweaty sock full of lint and cookie crumbs was lying. "It was in that sock."

* * *

"We have everything we need to cook," Sirius yelled loudly in the commons room. He dumped pans, pots, wooden spoons, metal spoons, a muggle blender, hair dryer, and one fork onto the floor. While he was in the kitchen gathering the necessities, James stayed behind in the common room, thinking about 'his' darling Lily. Remus and Peter sat on the couch, 'watching' him think about 'his darling' Lily.

"POTTER! Look at this mess! What do you think you are doing?" Lily screeched in that high pitch voice James loved so much. She stomped over angrily. Apparently the sight of cooking wear on the floor greatly bothered her.

"Nothing," James said innocently. He pushed the hairdryer and other material behind him.

"It doesn't look like—" She was cut off.

"My darling Lily," Sirius took Lily's hand in his and kissed her knuckles, "Jamesy-poo here—"

"HEY, GET OFF MY WOMAN!" James cried extremely loud.

Both Sirius and Lily ignored him.

"—is only working on his—"

"GET OFF MY WOMAN!" James cried again only to be ignored 'again.'

"—cardiovascular exercises," Sirius finished.

"GET OFF MY WOM—"

"James—shut up!" Sirius hissed. "I'm working my magic, here."

"Wow, Sirius," Lily said, "That's a perfectly plausible explanation."

"Of course it is, doll," Sirius said. "So I suggest everyone clear out unless they want to see James in purple and bright pink hot pants."

"_I wouldn't mind seeing that_," a creepy first year, named Emily, mumbled. She had orange hair and bright green eyes. Some people thought she could've been Lily's midget twin, but it was obvious she wasn't due to the fact that Emily was 'so' creepy. Not to say that Lily wasn't creepy, because sometimes—well, most of the time she is…but James loves her anyway despite Lily's creepiness (and her unique ability to creep in shadows, beatbox, and to impersonate the sound of a dieing duck) James worshipped her and…Ah to hell with explaining this.

Emily looked at James and drooled a little. "Like my socks?" She growled and giggled at the same time.

James made a face and shook his head fiercely. "No," He said quickly.

Sirius snapped his fingers and four buff seventh years came in. Two walked over to Lily and picked her up. The other two rounded all the other students up. "Michelangelo, Leonardo, Donatello, and Raphael," Sirius said gaining the four teen's attention, "Take them…'outside'."

"Sure thing, Boss!" The four stupidly cried in unison.

"Shhh! Don't call me that in public," Sirius whispered. He snuck a glance at James to see if heard, but he was just gazing at Lily with large doe eyes and a goofy smile. Lily wrinkled her nose in response as she was carried away.

Emily who was being ignored by the marauders hissed and scratched at Leonardo's knee (She sometime liked to think she was a cat) as he tried to drag her out.

"LILYYYYY!" James cried. He reached his hand out to Lily just as the portrait hole shut. "My Lily needs me! What are those beasts going to do to her?"

From the other side of the door a muffled response came, "I'm not your Lily!"

"She's speaks! Lily, are you ok?" James cried. He stood up from the floor.

"…I'm ok," Lily's muffled voice said a bit quieter.

There was silence for five minutes. No one moved except Peter who was picking his nose.

James turned back to his friends and smiled confidently, "She totally wants me."

"Whatever you say," Remus smirked, "So, should we start?"

"I suppose," James picked up a pot and looked at it dumbly. "…uh?"

"What's wrong? I thought you had mad-cooking skills, remember?" Sirius said.

"Shut up, Sirius," James snapped, "I cook all the time—remember that one time I—"

"That was your mother," Sirius replied knowingly.

"What about when—"

"Your mother."

"Or—"

"Your mother."

"WAIT! I COOKED ON LAST MOTHER"S DAY! Remember?" James shouted.

"No, that was me," Sirius shrugged.

"Shut up," James mumbled. "She's not even your mum, why were you cooking for her?"

"If I didn't do something, who would? You?" Sirius paused for dramatic effect but broke laughing after a few moments. It was as though he found the thought of James doing something for someone other than himself was ridiculous…anyway. "Ok, James, than what do we do?"

"We…uh?" James looked dumbly at the cooking material. He lifted a few pots and stared at the blender.

"Don't you think were missing something?" Remus sighed at the stupidity of his only friends, trying to remember why he hung out with them ('that tells you something about me doesn't it?' Remus thought to himself.).

"You're right," James said. "Sirius, you forgot to get a toaster."

"No, I meant the flour, chocolate—" Remus sighed.

"They didn't have any toasters down in the kitchen; remember it's a muggle appliance," Sirius sighed, "duhh!"

"—chips, butter or—"

"Than where did you get the blender and the hairdryer?"

"—Why do you need a hairdryer to make cookies? Anyway—" Remus continued.

"I got the hairdryer and the blender from Peter," Sirius pointed to their rat-like friend. "He was using them like key chains on his book bag.

"Grease or oil could be useful to keep the cookies from sticking to the pan—" Remus continued.

"Remus, what are you babbling on about?" Sirius asked.

Remus shook his head. "You know what? I'm going to go get the 'real' ingredients." Remus stood up.

"No, Remus," Sirius stood up and pushed Remus back into his seat by the shoulders. "I won't let you do that because I care about you a lot."

"Sirius…?" Remus asked a bit frightened. Sirius still had his hands on Remus's shoulder. "What—"

"As your friend, and with you in your sick condition, I will not let you do any heavy lifting because I care." Sirius wiped away a lone tear. "I care."

"Sirius that's only on full moons, I still have two more weeks to go—"

"Shhh!" Sirius pressed two of his fingers against Remus's mouth.

"I—" Remus said bewildered and slightly frightened.

"Shhhh! I care, and YOU, James, should be ashamed of yourself," Sirius cried rounding on James. "Making weak, little Remus, do all your dirty work!"

"What?" James asked.

"Sirius I'm fine—" Remus said.

"Shhhh, don't speak. Just don't. It'll be ok," Sirius finally stood up. "Every thing will be ok, Moony."

Sirius finally left the commons room to get the ingredients from the kitchen.

Both Remus and James looked at each other. "What was that about?" They asked in unison.

"I think he's on his period," Peter mumbled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or 'This land is your land' and 'we shall not be moved' songs or the 'Romeo and Juliet' quote but I did modify them to fit the story. Also the Characters, Emily and Crystal, are based off my two friends. I also do not own the ninja turtles.

**(I M P O R T A N T—READ THIS…)** Just so everyone knows and so I don't get in trouble, a lot of plot ideas were inspired by my friend Emily (AnotherCrazedRedHead). She also gave me permission to use Francisco the pencil ('The Aftermath of Playing Monopolize.' ch.6) and Joshua/ Francine the squid ('Conversations with the Giant Squid'). This story is dedicated to Crystal (LuckyRandomHero) and Emily so therefore that is why they appear throughout the story. I also want to say that if you let it, this story can be a powerful, spiritual influence in your young life. I know this, because a friend after reading this story protested doing her morning, math warm ups by singing 'we shall not be moved' (and by stealing everyone's worksheets).

**Chapter Two**

(**A/N:** This is my star wars intro)

Five minutes earlier, in a hallway far, far away…

Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy of the Slytherin house have returned to talk to Severus's cookie, Jimmy. Having found his sock (Which he wore for two weeks straight during the summer and having not been washed since) in turmoil with dust bunnies and dirt monsters he quickly learns that his cookie has been kidnapped.

Jimmy-the-cookie is gone and Severus vows to go an epic journey to seek revenge on the one fool who dared to cause him such pain…James Potter.

…The war has begun.

* * *

They sat in another awkward silence. Peter was now humming…as well as picking his nose.

"Remus, I have a confession," James mumbled. "Can you not tell Sirius?"

"Sure thing, what is it?" Remus asked, not really caring.

James sighed. "I have mad-cooking skills, but I don't know how to cook a cookie."

"That's ok, James," Remus sighed annoyed again, "Not many people 'cook' their cookies!"

"Eureka!" Peter shouted, "I've got it!"

"Holy Flying Sloths!" James cried. "What is it Batman…sorry Peter—no wait—Wormtail? Let's do that again."

"Ok," Peter agreed. They fell silent until… "Eureka! I've got it!" Peter cried.

"Holy Flying Sloths!" James cried. "What is it Wormtail?"

"The girls might have a cook book because they're girls," Peter suggested.

"That's bloody brilliant! Why didn't I think of that since I am infinitely much smarter than you?" James cried. Peter shrugged.

"Yeah…But how do we even get into their dorms to even look for it?" Remus asked.

"Oh, don't worry, I'll do it," Peter volunteered, and with nothing else said he left on quick feet and frolicked up the girl's dormitory steps. Peter liked to frolic.

"How did he do that?" Remus asked. Peter left two of his friends in confusion.

"I don't know. I thought the steps had a spell that prevented boys from climbing them," James said.

"Maybe Peter is not telling us something," Remus suggested.

Peter returned when Remus said that. "WHAT! I tell you guys everything. Even about my Michael Jackson fetish."

"Dude, he's weird. He could be a child molester or something."

"NO HE'S NOT!" Peter cried again. "I LOVE HIM!"

"Yeah…anyways, how did you go up the girl's staircase?" James inquired.

"I've always been able to go up them…haven't you?" Peter asked.

"No, Peter. Gryffindor, himself, in all his glory, put a spell that prevents boys from going up them," James for once sounded Serious.

"…" There was an awkward silence.

"…Peter?" Remus asked.

"I got the book," Peter changed the subject by waving a hot pink book around in the air. "It's Lily's."

"Throw it here, Pete," James said excitedly. Peter tossed it but hit James on the side of the head.

"Sorry," Peter giggled and Remus chuckled.

Someone else began to giggle. The three boys turned to the portrait hole and saw Sirius with several bags full of food walk in with a large smile on his face and a sound similar to a hyena coming from his mouth.

"HAHAhehohe…Why did we stop laughing?" He asked.

"Because 'we' weren't laughing," James said. "I was moaning in pain from getting hit on the head with a cook book."

Sirius giggled.

"I'm serious, Sirius," James snapped.

"How can you be, I'm Sirius....HAHAHAHA!" Sirius dropped the bags and slapped his knee. "Ah-ha, I'm so hilarious!" (1)

"Can you for one moment stop using that overused pun from the fan fiction we write about ourselves?" James cried.

"Sure thing," Sirius chuckled a little before kneeling beside his group. He began to assemble the food.

"Wait…you guys write…fan fiction about yourself?" Remus asked a bit disturbed.

"Yeah, all the time," James looked at Remus and shrugged.

"What do you write about?" He asked.

"Oh, anything, Like that time last year when we helped Potty-train Peter, or how me and Lily will fall in love or what our future son, Harry ,will be like—" James started to list off their plot stories.

"Wait…Peter's not potty-trained. He's still in diapers," Remus corrected.

Peter nodded.

"—and what's this about you having a son named 'Harry'?" Remus asked, clearly confused.

James and Sirius shared a look and shrugged.

"That's why it's called fan FICTION," James explained.

"Ok…uhh?" Remus shook his head. "Uhh…You know, that actually sounds like fun."

"Glad you agree, but let's get down to business." James picked up the book and red the cover. "**Notre Passion Secrète **by Trixie Mouse…I know that name," James said excitedly. "Sirius, remember her from that French porn—that really cool muggle movie you brought to my house?"

"Which one?" Sirius asked. He leaned over and read the author's name and blushed. He grabbed the book ("Hey," James cried.) and flipped through the chapters he read a few line and blushed deeper. "Uh…" he stood up and dropped the book to the floor, "…I got to go."

Sirius ran from the room again.

"What's his problem?" Remus asked.

James shrugged and picked the book up. "Forget about him for now. We have to focus on what's 'really' important….making these cookies."

"You're exactly right," Peter agreed.

"But what about Sirius? I think something's wrong," Remus said worriedly.

"Nope, not important," James said. ("It's his period," Peter mumbled again.) He read the page Sirius dropped the book on. "Wait a tick, this looks promising, Peter read this aloud."

Peter looked at the book and frowned. "I don't understand this."

Remus leaned over Peter's shoulder. "It's French. James, do you understand this?"

James frowned "Yes." ('Holy crap!' he thought, 'that was in French. I thought that was English.') "Yes I can," He lied for some reason.

"Oh…cool," Remus shrugged. "'I can read and speak Latin, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, German, polish, and Russian, Chinese, Cherokee, Dutch, Gaelic, Finish, Arabic, Mesopotamian, Old English and I even dabble in Japanese but I never learned French."

"Really," James mumbled but he didn't really care. "Start reading Peter."

"J'ouvres la porte et je le vois. Il se couvre dans la peinture rouge (2)," Peter stumbled over words in a horrible English accent.

James searched through the food items Sirius brought up and found a turkey, can of yams, ("I love yams," Peter said) sprinkles, grease, hot fudge, marshmallows, eggs, cookie dough, cherries, carrots, hamburger buns, sausages, and pudding. James smiled. 'Lily is going to love this.'

Not bothering to sanitize his hands, he grabbed a pan and kneeled by the common room fire.

"James I think you need grease," Remus suggested.

"HEY, who here is the French linguist? Not you, I think I know what I am doing," James lied but he took the grease anyway and drowned the cookie dough in it than poured the dough onto the pan and held it over the fire.

"JAMES WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Remus cried, disgusted.

"Cooking, what else could I possibly be doing?" James asked.

"You just poured an entire bottle of grease into the dough! That's disgusting!" Remus cried.

"I don't know…" Peter said, "I think it looks good."

"You would, Peter," Remus wrinkled his nose

"Remus, you know the truth about me and my cooking problem—"

"I hardly call 'that' a problem," Remus muttered.

"So I'm just following the instructions Peter reads to me," James lied again, "And he said I needed grease."

"'Grease_ is the word. It's got groove. It's got meaning. Grease is the time, is the place, is the motion. Grease is the way we are feeling,'" _Peter broke out into song.

"Peter, stop singing that song. You've seen that movie way too many times and plus this is serious. James just ruined the cookies," Remus cried.

"No I didn't—"

"I love that movie, Grease, its great, especially when John Travolta is wearing those tight leather pants and dancing around the car…" Peter said

"That's enough, Peter."

"Shut up and take a chill pill Remus," James said. "I love Grease; also, its number five on my list, John Travolta is four. He's right after Lily."

"You love him, too!?" Peter cried excitedly. "I finally found someone to talk with about him. I loved him in Saturday Night Fever and whenever he's doing that 'thing' he does. I love it when he does it, especially with all the 'stuff' going on and he's just there doing it, like it's no big deal."

"What 'thing'?" Remus asked. He was now beyond stressed with his friends.

"Yeah, that 'thing' he does. He does it great, no one can pull off that 'thing' like he can…except for me, of course," James said confidently.

"What thing?" Remus asked.

"You can do it also, I wish I could do it," Peter whined.

"Don't fret, not everyone is as gifted as us super-beings," James replied. "That's why when I grow up I want to be John Travolta… or a bus driver, they can do it, too"

"Far out, I want to be a bus driver, too," Peter said.

"Groovy, we'll be bus drivers together," James suggested.

"Dy-no-mite!" Peter cried.

"Why all of the sudden have we just started talking in 70's slang when the most part we've been using slang that isn't going to come out for what? Another 30 years?" Remus asked.

"What you talkin' 'bout, Remus?" Peter asked.

"I don't know, anymore," Remus mumbled as he rubbed his temples, "Forget I said anything."

"Easily done, my man," James said turning back to the pan he was still holding. He took a big sniff and smiled. "This smells heavenly."

Remus made a face. The cookies smelled like burning grease.

"I agree," Peter conquered. He looked back into the book and began to read again, "l'homme lèche sa pomme et frotte ses petits pains de cinnamon (3)."

Ignoring the cognate to cinnamon that Peter pronounced horribly wrong, James put the pan down and picked up the turkey. He began, with his fingers, to rip the poultry into smaller pieces.

"Remus, give me a spoon," James said.

Remus sighed and did as he was told. There was no point in arguing.

James began to stir the bits of turkey into the dough before it coagulated too quickly.

"Remus, chop the carrots up," James said again.

"Urggh…" Remus moaned but grabbed the knife anyway and began to chop the carrots. He hoped to avoid another pointless argument with his friends. James on the other hand grabbed a handful of chocolate chips and sprinkled them into his pan.

"That 'smell'…" a voice said. "It smells like the locker-room after a quidditch meet…I like it." The trio turned around to again see Sirius but he wasn't bubbly like he usually was but instead they could see tear stains.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" James asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Sirius snapped.

"Ok—" James said

"OK! I'LL TELL YOU BUT WILL YOU PLEASE JUST GET OFF MY BACK! The STAIRCASE MOVED AS I WAS CLIMBING THEM AND I FELL DOWN, OK!"

"Why'd it change? Were you taunting it?" James asked.

"NO I WAS NOT TAUNTING THE DAMN STAIRCASE. And next I …I TRIPPED! I BLOODY WELL TRIPPED OVER THAT CREEPY CAT GIRL, Emma or something…Emily," Sirius cried.

"Did she fall down the steps, too?" Remus asked.

"No, she and Lily are camping outside the commons room with half the house with them. I think they're like protesting or something because we kicked them out of the common room."

"My Lily is a rebel? That is so hot," James sighed dreamily. "Man, I love her…almost as much as I love cookies.

"That's great, James," Sirius sighed. He sat down next to Remus and James turned back to Peter.

"Continue, Pete," James said.

Sirius frowned and asked distastefully, "So you're still reading that book?"

"Yeah, its got an excellent recipe, the cookie-thing smells good," Peter took big whiff of Jame's cookie creation.

"_A happy accident_," Sirius muttered. He glared at the book and felt his cheeks blush.

"Hey, Sirius?" James inquired, "Why did you leave?"

Sirius blushed deeper and rubbed his hands against his thighs. "None of your business," he mumbled.

James was going to ask more but Remus, sensing Sirius's discomfort, intervened. Instead he gave Peter the o.k. to continue reading.

" 'Je mange de petits garcons pour le petit déjeuner!' Jill dit (4)," Peter read the next line.

James searched through the food pile and found the carrots Remus had been chopping and poured them into the pan as he pretended to know what he was doing, "Keep reading, Peter."

"Hey, this parts in English," Peter cried. "It says 'The dead chicken crawls along the seashells'…What?"

"Is it just me or does that not sound like instructions to making a cookie?" Remus asked himself

("Just you," Peter mumbled and Sirius, who was chilling close by, shook his head.)

"I don't have any seashells but I do have a dead chicken," James said.

"Well, go get it," Peter said.

"I love that part," A voice whispered. The Marauders looked towards the voice and saw Lily step out of the shadows.

"Jumping Jehovah witnesses," James cried, "Where the heck did you come from?"

"The shadows…" Lily whispered. The shadows on her face made her look like a vampire. She stared intensely and unblinkingly at James for about a minute before whipping her head to Sirius who flinched. "I see you're finally sharing your books with your friends."

Sirius shook his head. "Lily, no…"

"I love **Notre Passion Secrète.** It was written by a porn star but it's still really good once you get passed the 100 pages or so with sex. Sirius, do you think maybe they would like to join our book group," Lily said excitedly.

"Lily, shut up," Sirius snapped.

"What book group?" James asked in a quietly.

"Sirius's and my midnight book group. It's strictly romance and fluff novels but unfortunately Sirius and I are the only people who read them."

James got uncharacteristically quiet.

"Now look what you've done, you-Pandora woman," Sirius cried in fear, "You've unleashed every horror and sorrow in the world!"

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked. She reached out to touch Sirius's forehead. "Are you feeling ok or have you been smoking something, again?"

"No, Lily…look," Sirius whispered. He pointed to James and Lily followed in his direction.

"What's wrong with the idiot," Lily asked nonchalantly.

James had gone unearthly still and was staring unblinkingly at Sirius's shoe. His face was growing redder and steam was flowing from his ear.

"Oh my—"

Sirius snapped his fingers and Raphael and Donatello appeared at Lily's side again. "Boys," Take her and the rest of the house to safety…this time someplace further than just outside the portrait whole."

"Sure thing boss," The two cried in unison. Once again they picked Lily up and carried her from the room.

"You've done it again," Remus said referring to the flushing Potter. He and Peter moved to stand behind Sirius in fear of James exploding.

"James looks like a traffic light," Peter whispered.

"Shhh…" Sirius hushed. James suddenly blinked. He moved his intense gaze to the trio cowering in fear of him. "Don't—move—maybe—he—doesn't—see—us."

"Sirius," James whispered in a lethal tone, "You were my best friend, but today it has been revealed to me that on more than one level you've betrayed me."

"James, what did I do?" Sirius barely breathed. "If it's about the book group with Lily, it's purely innocent! She doesn't even like me as a human being—"

"WHAT DID YOU DO! YOU HAVE ANOTHER GANG, DON"T YOU?" He raged, not even hearing his friend's comment on Lily. "YOU'VE BETRAYED THE MARAUDERS!"

"No-no," Sirius cried.

"YES YOU DO! RAPHEL, DONATELLO, MICHELANGELO, LEONARDO…WHO ARE THEY? I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE TODAY! THEY'RE YOUR NEW GANG, AREN'T THEY?"

"No, they…they—"

"YOU"RE USING THEM TO BETRAY THE MARUADERS AND GET MY LILY, YOU JERK. MIDNIGHT BOOKSESSIONS MY ARSE! YOU AND LILY DO STUFF AT NIGHT DON"T YOU?"

"No, we—"

"YES YOU DO!"

"No, we—"

"I'm going to turn around and finish my cookie and when I turn back you better be gone," James said. "From this day on you are now…banished."

If possible the room got even quieter.

"NOOOoooo!" Sirius cried, "Please, anything but that. I love it in the marauders. I want to help. I'm sorry I—"

James had already turned around and hunched himself over his cookie.

Remus grabbed Sirius's shoulder and led him from the common room. Peter followed. Outside the group could see the four 7th years trying and failing to move the students.

"Let him cool off, first, before talking to him," Remus said. "You know how he is. How many times have you been banished from the marauders and then let back in? 26 times, including this?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Peter agreed.

"Yeah, you're exactly right," Sirius's mood changed and he instantly became excited. "Let's get something to eat."

"Sirius, wait," Remus was quiet for a moment, "You don't really have a new gang, do you?"

"No…well kind of. You see, they call themselves the 'Ninja Turtles' even though they're not turtles…or know any cool ninja moves, but they worship me like their god," Sirius explained. "James really needs to stop exploding every time he remembers that they worship me and not him."

"Wait, you mean James already knew about them?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded. "And he still banished you?"

"Yeah, actually 15 of the 26 times were because he was jealous of the Ninja Turtles," Sirius said. "I can't help it if that 'thing' John Travolta does, works better with me than with James."

"You can do the 'thing', too?" Peter cried, "Wow. I have talented friends…except for you, Remus."

"What is the 'thing'!? It's killing me, what is it?" Remus exploded.

"He so doesn't have it," Sirius whispered to Peter, staring at Remus with eyes full of pity. "He's soooo not gellin'."

"What? Guys come on tell me. I'm gelling. I'm gelling like felon, let's go to the kitchen and get some mellon and than Talk to Ellen and Helen."

"Remus, stop that that yellin' cause you aint GELLIN'," Sirius said.

"Look I just want to know what the 'thing' is," Remus sighed.

"You know…the thing. I can't explain it, it just is," Sirius shrugged. "You either have it or you don't, and you Moony, do not have it."

"How can I possibly have it if I don't even know what it is?" Remus cried.

**A/N:**

(1)Sorry, I just had to use this pun, it's become too much of a class for me not to have used it.)

**FRENCH TRANSLATIONS!!! **(I'm on only in French 2 so I could have mistakes.)

2- I open the door and I see him. He covers himself in red paint.

3- The man licks her apple and rubs her cinnamon buns.

4- 'I eat little boys for breakfast!' Jill says.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or 'This land is your land' and 'we shall not be moved' songs or the 'Romeo and Juliet' quote but I did modify them to fit the story. Also the Characters, Emily and Crystal, are based off my two friends. I also do not own the ninja turtles.

**(I M P O R T A N T—READ THIS…)** Just so everyone knows and so I don't get in trouble, a lot of plot ideas were inspired by my friend Emily (AnotherCrazedRedHead). She also gave me permission to use Francisco the pencil ('The Aftermath of Playing Monopolize.' ch.6) and Joshua/ Francine the squid ('Conversations with the Giant Squid'). This story is dedicated to Crystal (LuckyRandomHero) and Emily so therefore that is why they appear throughout the story. I also want to say that if you let it, this story can be a powerful, spiritual influence in your young life. I know this, because a friend after reading this story protested doing her morning, math warm ups by singing 'we shall not be moved' (and by stealing everyone's worksheets).

**Chapter 3**

Severus and Lucius walked stealthily down the hall. After getting lost a few times they finally managed to find their way to the Gryffindor tower. Suddenly Severus jumped behind Lucius.

"Protect me!" he whined.

"Get off me you freak!" Lucius cried. He was worried Severus might knock his rubber ducky out of his back pocket. When the two Slytherins had found Severus's sock devoid of 'Jimmy' the cookie Lucius was relieved to find that his ducky had not suffered the same fate. "Get a hold of yourself; you're acting like a Hufflepuff."

The two continued and as they became closer to their destination they came across more windows. Severus flinched as the sunlight touched his skin. He hadn't seen sunlight in two weeks and it burned his skin.

"Lucius, hide me," he whined again. He grabbed hold of his friend and tried to use him as a shield against the windows.

"Stop," Lucius cried. "You're going to make me tan funny."

Severus didn't listen but kept his strong grip Lucius. They had become even closer to the tower when the next horror struck the two…

Singing

Or at least they thought it was. The mass collaboration of off key, out of tune voices could hardly be called singing.

_ "This common room is your common room, this common room is my common room, From the big fireplace, to the big comfy couch, From the boy' dormitory, to the girls' staircase, This common room was made for you and me,"_ The voices sang.

"Oh my god!" Lucius murmured. "I think…I think someone's dieing! We should do what we Slytherins do best…run away!"

"I can't, I'm too scared," Severus murmured.

Lucius peaked around the corner and saw what looked like the entire congregation of Gryffindor and a few Hufflepuffs sitting in from of a painting of a big fat lady. They were all still singing and he could see that the loudest and possibly the leader was Lily Evans. A few of the younger kids were holding picket signs that said 'STOP THE NINJA TURTLES' and 'WE WANT IN'.

"Let's change the song!" Lily screamed. The group of kids went silent. "WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED!"

"_We shall not, we shall not be moved, the union is behind us, we shall not be moved. We're fighting for our freedom, we shall not be moved, We're fighting for our children, We shall not be moved_," The group sang again

"Make them stop," Severus whined. He had now let go of Lucius and was hugging his head. "My ears!"

"Don't you want Jimmy back?" Lucius asked. "We have to teach those gryffin-losers not to mess with us. But they're not going to learn that if you let that kleptomaniac, Potter, get away with stealing," Lucius said.

"You're right, I bet Potter ate Jimmy, too…I'll kill him," Severus hissed, his fait resolved.

"I wouldn't be surprised, he's always eating," Lucius said off-handedly.

"Let's go," Severus said. He pulled Lucius with him toward the students. They walked confidently over to the group who had quieted their singing at the sight of the two Slytherins.

"What do you want?" Lily hissed. Behind her Sirius, Remus, Peter, and the Ninja Turtles stood defiantly with their arms crossed.

"Thou art angry. Your torrent rage need not be directed towards thyselves. We came with thy mission to slay thy thief who dare steal Jimmy," Severus recited.

Lucius along with every student raised their eyebrows. Lily looked confused and her angry stance dropped. "What?" she asked

"Severus," Lucius elbowed him, "Knock it off, you're embarrassing us."

"My dear friend, folly this may seem, but thy love for Jimmy reveals to be too strong, for thee to resist," Severus continued. "I love thy Jimmy."

"Who's Jimmy?" Lily asked.

"Jimmy is his cookie," Lucius explained. "He talks to it."

"I am nothing without Jimmy," Severus cried

Lily's face softened. She could sympathize with Severus. "I understand your passion," She said sweetly, "I had a friend who talked to his pencil, Francisco, but one day he sharpened it too much. It was tragic, but he had to learn it was just a pencil. Severus you'll see this through, it was just a cookie."

"'Tis but thy name that is your cookie; your cookie art your cookie though, not Jimmy. What's a cookie? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O! Be some other Jimmy: What's in a cookie? That which we call a dead animal by any other name would smell as gross; So Severus would, were he not Severus call'd, Retain that imperfection which he owes without that title. Jimmy, doff thy name; And for that name, which is no part of thee, Take all yourself," Remus spontaneously cried from behind Lily misquoting Shakespeare by a long shot. She turned and stared at him confused.

"What?" She asked confused again.

"This is ridiculous," Lucius muttered. He pulled out his wand and grabbed Lily around the neck and pressed his wand to her temple. "Let's get down to business. We need to speak to Potter!"

Unknown to him, while this scene was happening, Peter had crept behind him. Breathing huskily, yet for some reason he went unnoticed, he reached his hand and behind Lucius and felt 'it'. 'It' was smooth and hard. Peter giggled but froze when Lucius shuttered. He almost retracted his hand but he wanted 'it' so badly.

'Screw it, Peter, take 'it',' Peter's inner voice cried. Peter giggled but did as he was told. He crept back behind his friends and Lucius was none the wiser that his rubber ducky was stolen.

"Let me go!" Lily cried. She began to make dieing duck noises. Her sidekick, Emily, hissed and scratched at Lucius's ankles.

"What the fu—" Severus cried. "Where did she come from?"

"I don't know but get her off of me," Lucius cried.

"No!" Lily stopped making noises to cry out. "Where's Crystal?"

"Who?" Lucius asked. He jabbed his wand further into Lily's temple.

Severus tried to get control over Emily but was too worried that the random slobber from her mouth when she hissed would land on him. Amazingly with all the many students in the hall it was only now that they decided to act.

Sirius pulled out his wand and Remus pushed Peter into a corner so he wouldn't get hurt. The random Hufflepuffs ran off back to their common room and the rest of Gryffindors pulled out their wands to attack but before they could inflict any harm four figures blocked their way…the Ninja Turtles.

The Ninja Turtles walked forward and stood separating the Gryffindors from the two Slytherins.

"I don't think so, punks," Raphael whispered. "We're done taking crap-orders from you, Black! Lucius, our new leader, actually lets us kill people. How many people have you let us kill…none."

"What the fu—KILL PEOPLE?" Sirius gasped. "…If that's all you want you could've just asked."

"SIRIUS!" Lily screeched from her awkward position. "I will not tolerate violence."

"Tolerate this, loser," Michelangelo cried. They pulled out their wands and began to cast spells left and right at anyone in Gryffindor robes. Lucius smiled while Lily whimpered. Severus also smiled for a moment until Emily bit him.

Sirius whimpered in betrayal, 'his' Ninja Turtles had betrayed him. He couldn't move but only watch. He imagined this 'battle' to be in black and white and silent like a dramatic movie (he also imagined everyone wearing cowboy hats but that's another story).

It was only a matter of seconds before every Gryffindor had been defeated. He watched in pain as Leonardo moved his wand onto him.

"Et tu, Leonardo," Sirius said remembering the famous last words of Caesar. He closed his eyes waiting for his end but it never came.

A hand came out of nowhere and karate chopped Leonardo's arm before any harm could be done. The person then gave a battle cry (not unlike…XENA the WARRIOR PRINCESS) and began to use their extra cool kung-fu moves to defeat the Ninja Turtles. Sirius opened his eyes and blinked, his savior was…

"A chick!?" He cried. "My life was saved by a chick."

"This chick has a name and it's Crystal, and I just saved you from the Ninja Turtles," The girl, Crystal, said. Crystal looked nothing like Emily despite them being sisters and fair skin and short, light brown hair.

"Who? Are you new because I've never seen you before," Remus asked as he limped over. He was dirtier than usual and holding his stomach where Raphael had tripped over him earlier in the fight. Peter followed him holding Lucius's ducky.

"Are you kidding me? I've been in your house since forever," Crystal said. "You know me: Lily's only friend, Emily's older sister, does that ring a bell? I'm in your year and house."

"No not familiar," Remus said.

Sirius shuffled passed the girl and looked at his once followers, the Ninja Turtles. "I can't believe they turned on me to help a dirty Slytherin," He said. "Why Lucius of all people? Why now?"

He kicked Lucius's shoe where he lay unconscious on the floor where crystal had had thrown him.

"Sirius, sometimes evil can't be avoided it strikes you where you least expect it…and sometimes below the belt, but that's why it's evil," Remus said, "And plus the Ninja Turtles were green, and green equals Slytherin, and that, my friend, automatically equals evil."

Crystal walked over to Lily and Emily and helped them up.

"Are you ok, Lily?" She asked.

"Just fine," Lily rubbed her neck. "I think Lucius pinched my butt, though."

"Oh…that's all?" Crystal asked incredulous. "I broke a nail for you and all he did was cop a feel?"

"Girlfriend, please," Lily snapped her fingers. "Just keep it real."

"Homey, don't play that shit," Crystal replied.

"You need some toilet paper for your mouth, because you're talking shit!" Lily said.

Emily stood off to side while Lily and Crystal trash-talked each other, Remus and Sirius talked about 'evil', and Peter who was licking a yellow bathroom ducky. Most of the Gryffindors were awaking from the attack but she had to wonder…

"Where's Snape?"

* * *

James had been kneeling before the fireplace in a panic. He had made a mess of the food and had forgotten to cut the cookie into smaller pieces. So instead having a perfected cookie, he was left with a large, colorful lump that was glued to the pan.

As he attempted to scrape his 'creation' off the pan he broke chunks off. He couldn't help it, his colorful cookie looked so 'delicious' and he hadn't eaten since earlier that day. He popped a burnt end into his mouth. He couldn't taste much but it did have a rubbery texture that he found interesting.

He had been completely unaware of the battle scene just outside. Beside him he left Lily/Sirius's romance novel just to smell it. If used his imagination he could almost seem to smell her.

"Lily," He mumbled dreamily.

"What about Jimmy?" A voice whispered in his ear.

James's eyes snapped open and he let out a scream. He turned around and saw Severus Snape leaning over his shoulder and screamed even louder. Snape screamed, too, and then tripped over the blender's wire.

James stopped screaming. "WTF, dude?"

Severus moaned, he had taken a face-first fall into the floor and his legs were still tangled in the blender's unplugged, useless wires.

"Wh…where's Jimmy?" He moaned.

"Who's Jimmy, Your Boyfriend?" James asked, irritated. "And what are you doing in here?"

"He's not my boyfriend, he's my cookie and my best friend," Severus defended. "And I'm not gay!"

"Right," James said skeptically.

"No, really I'm not," Severus defended.

"No, no, I believe you," James lied and obviously so, but Severus didn't catch on.

"Ok…my cookie, where is it?" Severus asked.

"I have not remote idea what you are talking about," James explained. "I never touched any of your cookies."

"Well durr, you didn't take it straight from me, you took it from my secret hiding spot," Severus cried. He finally untangled himself and stood up to meet James's blank stare.

"I never took any cookies, ok," James, however, 'failed to mention the 'oh-so-delicious-chocolate-chip-circle-of-heaven' (which he took to calling it in his head) that Peter gave him.

"It was in my sock!" Severus snapped.

"Eww!" James cried. "Then, I definitely didn't eat it! That's disgusting. Slytherin feet, YUCK! Don't make me puke. You're sick; you're a sick man, putting cookies in your dirty, sweaty, nasty sock. I hope you aren't planning on eating that. Gross!" James ranted. "Just sick…sick."

"Oh…So you didn't eat it," Severus asked, dumbly.

James shook his head feverishly. "Positive, I wouldn't put anything as gross as that in my mouth." He talked just as he swallowed another burnt end of the cookie.

"Oh…ok, its all cool between us…You know, I just wanted to ask, its no big deal," Severus rambled, his personality doing a complete 180 from suspicious to casual.

"Yeah, yeah, get lost, cookie-feet," James snapped. "I need my alone-time, I just created art."

"Oh…cool," Severus said. "Well, I'm gonna go now—"

"Cooking is my passion, especially when I'm cooking for my passionate lover, Lily. It runs through my veins and haunts me in my sleep if I go too long without letting it out in something such as a cookie. My passion cannot be expressed with words, but only in yeast, flour, and sugar. 350 degrees bakes my love into these ingredients with yeast so soft, like snow not unlike my Lily's skin, and with her lips so red and her breasts so (ahem)…And then hunger and devastation strikes…pain and sorrow baked…I only see red…ultimately failing, my love ignored…and I fear it will be the death of me "

"That's nice…WAIT! What?" Severus asked suddenly angry. "Lily can't be your passionate lover. She's my girlfriend!"

"What?" James cried. He had a sudden murderous glint in his eyes. "Say that again!" He snapped ferociously.

Severus chuckled hesitantly, "I was just joking. I wanted to complicate the plot a little."

"GET OUT!" James cried. He waved his hand, which held his cookie, around. Severus saw it and suddenly a brilliant idea struck him.

He stared at James with the plan forming in his head. "I'll leave but… but only if you give me that cookie." He pointed to the 'mess' in James's hands.

James looked at him confused. "My cookie, the cookie I made for my love?"

Severus nodded.

"Heck no I won't give it to you, gosh!" James cried. "Now get lost!"

The two faced each other when the portrait door snapped open.

"JAMES! I LOVE YOU! I'M SORRY I BETRAYED YOU AND THE MARAUDERS! PLEASE LET ME COMEBACK! PLEASE!" Sirius cried as he ran in. He was followed by Remus and Peter.

"We tried to stop him…" Remus cried.

James let his eyes fall from Severus to his best friend.

"I'm sorry. You were right, I was wrong…you were smart, I was dumb. You're handsome, I'm ugly—"

"Alright…now that you've come to your senses, I forgive you…but what about the ninja turtles?" he asked bitterly.

"They're history, they got beat up by Crystal," Sirius explained.

"Who?" James asked.

"That girl, who's always with Lily," Sirius elaborated.

"Isn't that Emily?"

"Yeah, her too, but the other one…with the short brown hair."

James shrugged. "I never heard of such a person. I know for a fact Lily has no friends."

Remus shook his. "Did you come to this conclusion by yourself?"

"Yeah," James said. "It's not like you guys ever helped me spy on her passed third year."

"Good times," Sirius mumbled with a lusty look in his eyes.

James didn't hear him speak as he was still staring at Remus.

"Lily has friends. What about Crystal? Or Alice? Or Emily…kind of," Remus rambled realizing that was end of the list. "See she has three friends."

James snorted. "Believe what you want Remus." James stopped conversing with his friends and was about to say a witty remark to Severus when the Slytherin reached his pale hand out and grabbed James's cookie.

With cookie in hand and letting out a noise a cross between a snicker and giggle, Severus ran out of the commons room. He stuffed the cookie in his butt-pocket and grabbed the unconscious Lucius's ankle. With all his strength, he attempted to drag the blond boy down to the dungeons.

James followed by his friends ran out and watched Severus as he tried to do his deed.

James jumped from side to side, frantically. "Oh no. Somebody stop him he has my cookie!" He squealed.

"This is bad," Sirius mumbled. The two boys shared frantic looks than turned back to the greasy haired boy who still had not managed to drag his unconscious friend out of their sight.

"Remus, do something," Sirius cried.

"Why should I?" Remus snapped. "Why don't you, he's only standing five feet away from us, and plus, its James's cookie, he should retrieve it."

"But Remus…" James whined, "My cookie." He pointed childishly to Severus who was still trying to drag Lucious away. "Someone's got to save it."

"What cookie?" A female voice asked.

The four marauders turned and saw Lily accompanied by Emily and Crystal. She was dusting herself off not even realizing that for once James' attention was not on her, but instead on Crystal.

"Who are you?" He asked.

"Oh brother…not again" Crystal moaned.

"It's Crystal," Sirius introduced as though the two of them were best friends. Crystal in turn only shook her head. (At this motion, Remus found a Kindred spirit in Crystal.)

"So she does exist…" James mumbled to himself.

"Meow?" Emily asked. She crawled to James and licked his shoe than rubbed her head against his ankle. James's eyes went wide as he nearly tripped trying to get away from her.

"That means she likes you," Lily said as she petted Emily's head.

("Aww," Crystal sighed.)

After Lily spoke, both Peter and Sirius shared a look and jumped at James. Peter licked and chewed on James shoes and pants' hem while Sirius rubbed his head against James's leg, working his way up to James's thigh.

("Aww," Crystal sighed, "Young love.")

"Ahhhh!" James squealed and kicked his friends off. He gave a rushed glance towards the two Slytherins and moaned in depressed pain when he saw Severus turn the corner (Finally).

Remus was the only other student to notice what caused James gaze and shrugged his shoulders. "Better luck next time."

James moaned. "But I worked so hard on it."

"Hard on what…a cookie? What's going on?" Lily asked. She, for once, _actually_ felt sorry for the raven-haired boy. James had such a pathetic expression on his face that she almost forgot what an obnoxious jerk he could be.

"Lily, don't encourage him," Remus whispered to the redhead. "It will only make him do more stupid things."

Sirius looked to his friend and sighed. He couldn't even imagine what James was feeling. Having known James worked all day on the cookie only to have it stolen by a dirty Slytherin must be painful.

"James we can make another cookie…" Sirius offered.

"Yeah, and this time we'll make it edible," Remus said.

"No, that was the perfect cookie," James whispered and stood up. "I baked it with all my love." He didn't turn around to his friends as ran back into the commons room, up to the boys' dormitory and grabbed his broomstick. He jumped out the window and flew towards the Hogwarts's lake.

"Poor guy," Crystal mumbled as she helped her sister stand.

"Yeah," Lily whispered. '_I baked it with all my love'_ wouldn't leave her mind. She knew it was a candid moment when James said it and for once she felt a tug at her heartstring. Being the unofficial ice queen of the school, she was surprised to feel her ice thaw…and by James no less. "I'm gonna go for a walk."

**A/N:** Just like to reiterate I own nothing, and sorry if my original characters are annoying. They're based off my friends and this started off as a crackfic for them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or 'This land is your land' and 'we shall not be moved' songs or the 'Romeo and Juliet' quote but I did modify them to fit the story. Also the Characters, Emily and Crystal, are based off my two friends. I also do not own the ninja turtles.

**(I M P O R T A N T—READ THIS…)** Just so everyone knows and so I don't get in trouble, a lot of plot ideas were inspired by my friend Emily (AnotherCrazedRedHead). She also gave me permission to use Francisco the pencil ('The Aftermath of Playing Monopolize.' ch.6) and Joshua/ Francine the squid ('Conversations with the Giant Squid'). This story is dedicated to Crystal (LuckyRandomHero) and Emily so therefore that is why they appear throughout the story. I also want to say that if you let it, this story can be a powerful, spiritual influence in your young life. I know this, because a friend after reading this story protested doing her morning, math warm ups by singing 'we shall not be moved' (and by stealing everyone's worksheets).

**Chapter Four**

James sat on the edge of the lake. His bare feet drifted in the shallow water. He was mildly relaxed by the cooling water but nothing could take his mind away from his failure. He failed to retrieve his cookie from Snape. Failed to give his cookie to Lily. Failed to capture her love.

He moaned.

A ripple broke the still surface. James felt it, and he didn't need to raise his head to know that it was Joshua the giant squid who came to accompany him. He remembered a time when he used to hate the giant squid. Last year after taking their O.W.L's Lily proclaimed to what felt like the entire student body that she would rather date the giant squid then him. From that day on he vowed to hate the monstrous, sea creature….

…but when he arrived at the lake the next day to start shit, the squid (he now knows to be called Joshua) he was instead comforted by him and listened to by him. Joshua understood his undying love for Lily and supported him. From that day on, he and the squid became best friends.

"Hey, Josh," James sighed as he stroked the squid before its tentacle sunk below the surface.

The squid was silent but James continued.

"Me? I'm having a horrible day but I don't want to talk about it," He mumbled to his friend.

Again the squid said nothing

"Five fish! That's good to hear, at least one of us is having a good day," James said.

nothing

"No, Lily didn't turn me down…I didn't even get to ask," James mumbled. He leaned onto his back. "I tried to cook her cookie—"

nothing

"OK, I GET IT; YOU DON'T 'COOK' COOKIES! SHEESH! You're starting to sound like Remus," James screamed frustrated.

The squid sunk below the water, and James panicked.

"No, don't go, I'm sorry, It wasn't right of me to yell at you," James cried. He sat up and ran into the water.

The squid came back.

"Thanks, Josh," James Mumbled. "I'm sorry for taking my frustration out on you."

Silence

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I guess I'll tell you what happened," James said to the squid. He returned back to the shore. "I was having a cookie and a thought came to me. If I coo—made Lily a cookie she would realize how much I liked her. I hoped she would start to take me seriously but the cookie was stolen."

Silence

"Yeah, I know who would steal a cookie? Snape would, apparently—"

Silence

"I know you hate the guy, most people do. Reminds me of that prank you pulled at the beginning of the month with the seaweed and sea slugs in his bed, ha ha he he," James sighed.

He paused. Now was not the time to laugh at passed memories.

"Lily hated when I pulled pranks," James said, "She hated when I asked her out…whenever I talked to her…I just wish she would understand how much I love her," James raised his head as the squid sunk completely beneath the lake. "Joshua, where are you going?"

"James?" A familiar voice asked. James's head whipped around and gapped at Lily as she shuffled towards him diffidently. When she reached him she sat down by his side.

"You made me a cookie?" She asked innocently.

James didn't know what to say but nodded his head. "How'd you know?" He finally gasped out.

Lily sent him a sweet smile, which quickly turned into a smirk. "Well, you were talking about Love and you don't love anyone more than me, except maybe…" Lily's smirk widened, "John Travolta."

James's gaze flew to Lily and he gave a surprised smile. "No he's only number four…but how did you know I liked him. I didn't think you knew anything about me."

"Well, I don't, not really," Lily said casually as she turned her gaze to her feet. "But, I know you like quidditch."

"Everyone knows that," James also turned away from Lily but to the lake. He searched the lake for Joshua but couldn't find him.

"Well…I know that you secretly love the color pink and like playing with people's hair," Lily said. James's mouth dropped open, "And when you were little you wanted to be a beautician because and I quote 'I want to make people just as beautiful as me that way the world will have more pleasant things to look at'," Lily quoted.

"How did you know that? Are you psychic?" James asked.

Lily giggled, "No but your friend, Sirius, has a big mouth."

"Yeah, he does," James mumbled bitterly, suddenly reminded that Sirius had stronger relationship with Lily than he did.

"Don't get jealous, all he ever talked about was you," Lily said. "I swear if he wasn't straight, he'd be in love with you. He said when you were little, you two collected dolls together—"

"THEY WERE FEMALE-ACTION-FIGURES!"

"Sirius said they were Barbies," Lily said.

"Well, Sirius is an Idiot," James said.

Lily nodded. "Yeah…but that doesn't hide the fact you're an interesting...fellow."

James nodded, "I know that."

Lily scowled at James arrogant comment. James, on the other hand, was on cloud nine. He was filled with euphoria now that Lily was talking to him without yelling. He felt as if a chain had been unlocked and he was now free to say whatever he wanted without the fear of her blowing him off.

"That cookie I was talking about?" James said.

Lily looked at him, "What about it?"

"…It was for you because I wanted you know I liked you so much," James said. He tried to hold Lily's gaze but she turned away with a blush.

She wasn't blushing because it was James who announced it but because it was anyone who announced. No one had ever done anything so sweet for her.

"James, thanks," She mumbled.

The raven haired boy was surprised by her embarrassment. Had this been any other day she would have yelled at him to grow up but today she was being so kind.

'She would have appreciated the cookie,' James thought.

"Look, its Francine," Lily cried. She pointed to the lake and James saw Joshua reappear.

"Oh, it's just Joshua," James shrugged.

Lily laughed and shook her head. "James, you ignorant child. Anyone can tell the giant squid is a girl. Her name is Francine."

"What! No. How can you tell, it's a squid. Anyway, I've just been calling him Joshua and he hasn't complained yet."

"SHE probably has, and you're too dense to tell," Lily said tersely.

'Honeymoons over,' James thought. "Oh! So now I'm stupid?"

"Your words, not mine," Lily snapped. She scooted away from James.

"Well…You know what…you're stupid!" James cried.

"Grow up, booger-breath, I don't have take this from you. You're a boy, you don't have soul," Lily said.

The atmosphere grew colder and James shut his mouth, truly hurt by her words.

"…ow," James said. He rubbed the back of his neck. "That was harsh…"

"Oh, James, I'm sorry," Lily cried. She flung her arms around James's neck. "I didn't mean to sound so nasty. Can I make it up to you?"

James nodded into her shoulder and sniffed her hair. (OK, I lied. James wasn't all that upset…but he wanted lily to think he was.)

"Lily, d-do you think, you c-could help me get my cookie back from Snape?" He asked with a purpose stutter.

"Oh, James, of course," Lily cried. She waited for James to let go but he kept the same tight grip on. Lily patted James's shoulder, not quite sure what else to do. "Ok, James…you can let go now…James…James?...STOP BRAIDING MY HAIR, YOU POOF-BALL!"

* * *

Not long after their conversation by the lake, James and Lily were on a mission, Operation: Get-James's-cookie-back, goal: Get-James's-cookie-back, Reward: Having-James's-cookie-back or something along those lines.

James wasn't to clear on how he planned to get the cookie, just that they would somehow infiltrate the Slytherin common room.

"James, how are we going to do this?" Lily asked, impatiently as she let James lead her throughout the castle.

…But no need to worry, James had a plan.

"I have plan," James said.

…That involved a potion.

"I have a potion, a very potent potion, strong enough to kill a fly," James said.

"…"

"Uh…That's all well and good but how does that get us into their common room?" Lily said.

"It doesn't…" James said. "But I do have another potion, a polyjuice potion but I don't know how we could use that to our advantage."

"James, you idiot, we'll put Slytherin hair into it and sneak in that way." Lily said.

"Ewwwwww…but ok," James agreed.

They reached the Slytherin entrance and Lily pulled out her wand and aimed it at the trollish students meandering around the hall.

"Stupefy," She whispered.

The Slytherins tumbled to the ground, resulting in a Minnie-earthquake.

"Great shot, Lils," James cheered.

Lily smiled. "Don't call me that."

The two walked over to the unconscious Slytherins, and James ripped out strands of hair. He gave them to Lily to hold as he continued to pull out potions from one of his pockets and empty glasses from another. Lily raised an eyebrow as she was struck by how dangerous and random this all was.

James finally found what he was looking for and poured the potion into separate glasses. He handed a glass to Lily and dropped a hair into his own. Lily copied his motion.

"Bottoms up," James said and drank.

Lily felt like she turning inside out. Her stomach liquids were swishing around inside of her and she felt unbearably hot. She glanced over to James (now a large warty third year) and was surprised to see him so calm and relaxed, despite the transformation.

'How use to this is he?' Lily wondered.

"James," Lily asked allowed. She was mildly surprised by her low raspy her new voice was, but she shook the surprise off, not wanting to seem uncomfortable in front of James. "How often have you done this?"

James looked at her in surprise. He was trying to think of a good answer to her question without incriminating himself. The truth definitely would not do. He would not tell her that on weekends after roaming the halls that he and the boys would steal female hair or toenail clippings to turn into girls, for the sole purpose of entering locker-room and the girl's bathrooms. No, definitely not.

"Um…not often," He lied. He swallowed nervously, "But never-mind that, we have a mission to complete."

"Yeah, the mission," Lily turned to the entrance and pressed herself against the wall and ever so subtle, despite her body change, was still able to morph into the shadows.

"Where did she go?" James wondered. One minute lily was here the next she wasn't. That was so, "—Hot."

"James," Lily whispered, "Come on."

James followed her and together they snuck into the commons room, which just happened to be empty (…For the sake of speeding up the plot.). It took several hours to complete everything and the polyjuice potion had long worn off the two teens. First they booby-trapped the bathrooms, then booby-trapped the dormitories, and just for fun played a nice game of Uno with the cards Lily found in someone's underwear drawer, which she just 'happened' to come across.

"This is great," James said, "Now when all the Slytherins return it will be prank-O-rama."

"The cookie…?" Lily asked, trying to get James's mind on track.

"Right, right…now if I were a cookie, where would I be?" James pondered. "Cookie…Cookie…"

"Well…where would Snape hide his things?" Lily asked.

"Probably in his socks…but where would we find his socks…oh, the boys dormitory,"

"Duhh…totally," Lily said.

"C'mon," James walked back up the boy's dormitory and Lily followed him. James turned and smirked at the red-head girl. "Hey Lils…" He jumped onto the bed and smirked at her. "Let's make a baby."

"No, I'm not in the mood…" Lily said nonchalantly.

"Maybe tomorrow—"

"No, I mean, I'm not in the mood, ever!" Lily cried, blushing. "AND DON'T MAKE THOSE JOKES, YOU PIG!" Lily smacked James. "Now find the cookie."

"Ok," James mumbled. He rolled off the bed and began to open drawers and trunks. Lily stayed off to the side not wanting to touch dirty socks. "I can't find anything," James said.

"Well, where else, would Snape hide it?" Lily asked.

James pondered this for a moment. 'Sock…Sock…Jimmy?...Sock and Jimmy…plus Peter?...equals hallway?'

"I've got it!" James cried. He grabbed Lily's hand and dragged her out of the commons room. They ran to the hallway where James ate the cookie and looked around for the sock but got much more than they bargained for.

Instead of finding just a sock, they saw Lucius squirming under Severus…(Not like you perverts.) Severus had a wet rag to Lucius forehead.

"Lucius, you're in pain, I don't want you to hurt yourself worse," Severus cooed.

"Get off me, fruit-cake! Let me go," Lucius cried. He tried to shove the other boy off of him but Severus proved to be too clingy. "I'M FINE!"

"No you're not," Severus whined.

"Eww, Lovers," James cried. The two boys turned to him.

"James, don't ruin their moment," Lily smacked his head.

"We are not LOVERS! Now get off me," Lucius pushed Severus off by the face and scrambled back into another wall.

"Lucius…" Severus mumbled. "I want to help you get better."

"I don't need help," Lucius cried.

"Aw, look, they're in love," Lily giggled.

Lucius sent Lily and incredulous look. "I've got a girlfriend, you red-headed Bitch, and her names Narcissa!"

Lily gaped. "Excuse me!? The feelings are hurt."

"Nuh-uh, you did not just go there," James snapped his fingers three times in a z-formation.

"I'll go where ever I please," Lucius cried. He used the wall to stand up and glared at the two.

"Then will you go to the Virgin Islands with me?" Severus asked as he dashed back towards Lucius.

"No," Lucius snapped. He pushed Severus just as he reached for a hug into Lily who was still gaping at him.

The two fell onto the ground with Snape on top of Lily.

"Ooh, Even better," Snape licked his lips and put sweaty palm on the inside of Lily's thigh.

"Get off of her," Lucius roared.

"Yeah, what he said," James cried.

"Are you jealous…baby?" Severus asked and sent doe eyes to the blond.

"N-no, why would I?" Lucius turned away.

"Get off of her!" James cried. Severus looked at James. "Get off or I'll kill you!"

Severus jumped off Lily, having not a doubt in his mind that the raven-haired boy would kill him.

"Sorry, I just wanted to complicate the plot, again," Severus cried, James looked like he was about to accept the Slytherin boy's excuse.

"That's what they all say," Lily stood up. She glared at Severus and kicked his shin.

Severus fell backwards into Lucius, expecting him to catch him. Lucius, however, stepped out of the way.

"You know what; I'm getting out of here and away from, all you freaks!" Lucius cried. He stumbled backwards. He did one last glare before running off.

"Look what you did?" Severus cried. "You scared him off."

"I scared him? You were the one—" James screamed.

"Boys, calm down," Lily said. "And James we came here on a mission."

"Yeah, you're right," James said. "WHERE'S MY COOKIE?"

Severus's eyes went wide and shook his head.

"Tell me where my cookie is and I won't kill you," James bargained.

"I don't know what you're talking about," He snubbed.

"Dude, the cookie you ripped from my hand?" James snapped.

"Yeah we all saw you run off with it," Lily chimed.

Severus sweated, "That's a lie! A blatant lie!"

"What are you suffering from the dissociativeidentity disorder," Lily snapped.

Both James and Severus looked at her.

"What I read in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition, Revised," Lily said, "It was a stimulating read."

"She's not just a pretty face, she's smart, too!" James gushed.

"The cookie," Lily snapped her fingers, "Mission, remember?"

"Right," James put on his angry face and glared as Severus, "My—Cookie—NOW!"

"I don't have it," Severus said than mumbled, "Not any more."

"Than who does?" James snapped incredulously.

* * *

"_I found a cookie, I found a cookie, I found a cookie, hey, hey, hey_!" Peter sang.

"Hey, isn't that James's?" Remus asked. He pointed to the 'cookie' in Peter's hand. The two and Sirius were sitting in the commons room by the fire as the Gryffindors partied and danced over their victory sticking it to the 'man', the man being Sirius even though he doesn't act like one.

Peter stopped and said, "So what if it is? You going to do something about it?"

Remus paused. "…Nope, just wandering," He said.

"Well if you must know, it is," Peter's eyes lit up as he spoke, "I filched it off of Snape when he wasn't looking."

Remus rolled his eyes. He had no doubt in his mind the Peter was a kleptomaniac. First he 'found' a cookie in a sock. 'Yeah right,' Remus thought. He did not believe for one second that anyone would hide a cookie in a dirty old sock in the corner of a dusty empty hall. Only an idiot would do that (Um…Snape?...Anyone?). What about the hair dryer and blender that Peter had been using as keychains before he let James 'create' with them? Remus knew for a fact Peter stole those. Who wouldn't after the scene Crystal made when she realized those were her items that went 'missing' at the beginning of the year, and what was up with that rubber ducky that Peter kept squeezing. It was creepy, all he did was squeeze it and giggle…squeeze it and giggle…squeeze it and…

"Earth to Remus," Sirius lightly slapped Remus's cheek.

Remus shook his head only to find Sirius right in his face, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Ack," Remus squeaked as he leaned back.

"What were you thinking about?" Sirius asked. "You were making weird faces."

Remus looked to see Peter had gone back to singing to the cookie and was now placing a bottle top over a glass vile. Remus watched to see Peter than hide the vile in his robes. He sniffed the cookie and smiled sneakily.

"…nothing," Remus said. "So…Peter, what do you plan on doing with the cookie?"

"Give it back to James, of course," Peter said. "We all went through a lot of trouble to make this cookie."

"Yeah but…don't you think it might kill someone if it's eaten?" Remus asked. "We should destroy and save mankind."

"NONSENSE!" Sirius laughed as slapped Remus on the back. "DON'T SPEAK OF CRAZINESS!"

"WELL, I DO FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!" Remus screamed.

_"Peter!"_

"Did you hear that?" Remus asked, he calmed down. With his heightened senses he could hear the tiniest of voices over a great distance.

"No," both Peter and Sirius mumbled.

_ "That Rat!" _

Remus heard it again. "That, what is it?"

_ "Peter! I'll kill you!" _

"There it is again," Remus said

"Hey, I do hear it," Sirius laughed. "That sounds like…"

"Ooh, let me guess," Peter cried, "Let me guess."

"…James," Sirius finished.

"Oh, you're no fun," Peter moaned.

"PETER, I'LL KILL YOU!" The portrait hole swung open revealing a ticked off James. He shoved a few happy-go-lucky party-goers of his way as he stomped towards Peter. The music the kids were blasting stopped abruptly. "We searched all over the Slytherin common room and had to whiteness something I never want to see again (**A/N:** James's response to Snape and Malfoy) only to find out you had the cookie. Why didn't you come and find me? It could've saved us a load of time!" James snapped.

Lily lowered her eyes as she heard the last thing James said. Even though she would **never** admit to it, she truly enjoyed her time spent with James. He was…endearing.

"Oh, well I have it now," Peter smiled largely as he handed the cookie to James.

James smiled relieved as he saw it. "…The cookie…"

Lily looked to see what kind of cookie caused all the huff and paled. It was DISGUSTING. It didn't even look like a cookie, more like fried puke.

"Lily, I made it for you," James mumbled, blushing, his rudeness, gone for the moment. He smiled shyly and held out the cookie for her.

Lily paled and gave a fake smile. "Thanks," She mumbled. She took the cookie and held it in her hands. It even felt disgusting. She had only now become aware of it but now the entire commons room (The party forgotten for a moment), along with the rest of the Marauders were staring at her expectantly.

"Oh, right," Lily mumbled. She squeezed her eyes shut and brought the cookie to mouth. Lily nibbled on the edge of the cookie and broke off a tiny piece.

It tasted…It tasted like…

"Lily," Looked to the owner of the voice and saw James. He smiled at her. "Was it good? Do you like it?" He asked.

Lily continued to stare at him. A light had been shined onto him and she could see no one else. It was only James and her. The commons room was gone, her friends were, gone, the marauders were gone, it was only James and her.

"I loved it," She whispered. Her face had gone red in a blush and her body had gone numb. She didn't even notice the cookie drop from her hands.

James blushed.

Lily's smile widened. James looked so cute now, as if she'd never seen him before.

"What the hell just happened?" Remus asked.

Sirius only shrugged.

Peter, however, smiled.

Emily, who had moved to stand behind Lily as she bit into the cookie, bent down to pick it up. She sniffed it. It didn't smell like anything. She hoped Lily wouldn't be too upset, but she only wanted to taste it. After all Lily seemed to like it. She glanced quickly at Lily who seemed to be staring adoringly at James who basked in the attention.

Emily brought the cookie to her lips and bit an even smaller than Lily had.

The cookie, it tasted…it tasted…

"Ewww!" She squealed, "Oh, yuck. That tastes like FEET," She cried. "Feet that ran eight miles in the dirt and rotten eggs, than dipped into…into…strawberries, with a dash of cinnamon…" She finished in a daze.

"What the heck are you saying?" Crystal asked her sister.

Emily, however, wasn't listening. Her attention was caught by James who had burst out laughing at something Sirius said. Lily was still next to him staring, but he didn't seem to mind.

'James looks…cute,' Emily thought. 'Really cute…'

* * *

"Peter, will you ever tell us, what you did to the cookie?" Remus asked.

The party had long ago ended and it was now three in the morning, but Remus, Sirius, and Peter were awake in the commons room.

"What makes you think I did anything?" Peter asked. He was pleasantly sitting in a chair with the rubber ducky now in his chest pocket. He would now every once in a while lower his head to nudge the duck with his nose.

"Come one, Lily took one bite and wouldn't leave James alone all night, she was like obsessed with him," Remus said.

"Uh-huh," Sirius cried. "Yea…I did not enjoy the show. Lily was acting like a little ho!"

"Sirius, hush, the first years are just upstairs," Remus quieted.

"We know you did something," Sirius said.

Peter sighed. "Ok, you caught me. I added this," Peter said. He reached into the robes and pulled out a vile and handed it to Remus.

Remus took the glass and read, "Love Potion number nine…Peter tell me you didn't."

"Ok," Peter stayed silent.

"You sneaky little—" Sirius cried. "Now James has Lily and he won't have time for his best buddy, me. What will I do with my time? How will I spend my days? Without James, he's my other half, I'm nothing. I'm lower than nothing. Without James I should just curl up and die."

Remus sighed.

"Idiots," He mumbled tiredly under his breath.

"I can't breath without James. He's my best friend. More than my best friend, he's like my brother…and you took him away and gave him to Lily…and now I'm alone…all alone…James…" Sirius ranted.

* * *

Lily fell asleep that night incredibly happy. She woke up relaxed, too. She didn't know what happened to make her so happy, maybe it was realizing her feelings for James. She must have suppressed them because it seemed that last night when she looked into his face, it was like a burst of all her emotions coming for the just to scream in her face that she loved him…and she did. With all her heart she could say she truly loved him.

She hummed as she brushed her hair as she she sat down in front of a mirror. "_I love James, I love James, I LOOVE JAAAMESSS and I don't know WHYYYYY_!" She sang.

She smiled at her reflection, feeling completely light.

…light and happy.

* * *

**EPILOG**

"Hey, gather around," James cried. Half the common room, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Crystal, and Emily gathered into a huddle around James. "Hey Lily make a beat!"

"Ok," Lily giggled. She brought her hands to her mouth and began to beatbox.

James bobbed to the beat and pretty soon so was everyone else.

_"Ok, uh, uh, uh…I tried to make a cookie but it really didn't work__Lily fell in love with me because is a dork. She's got a mouth like a turtle but beatboxes like a cow, and she's got the creepy little sidekick who always goes…"_

_"Meow,"_ Emily giggled, Lily paused to echo her young friend.

"KEEP THAT BEAT GOING, LIlS… _Oh check this out! If I wanted to make a cookie with the blender, pass me the sugar 'cause this cookie is the wrong gender_!" James continued.

"OH!" The group cheered than broke into the chorus, "_Don't kill me Lily! Don't kill me lily! You're my butterfly, sugar, baby_!"

"Butterfly? Isn't that a song?" Crystal asked. (**A/N:** The end of the chorus is part of 'Butterfly' by Crazy Town)

"Remus, GO!"

"Ok…_These people are all crazy and they really frighten me. I know what you believe, but I don't hug my dictionary_," Remus rapped

James cried out, "Don't _kill me Lily, and Don't kill me Lily._"

"_Yo, uh, uh…I know you all love me and I have great hair. Believe it or not, my heads not full of air_!" Sirius broke in. The group cheered.

"Go Sirius," Some random first year cried out.

"What is this, a musical?" Crystal asked.

"_I rock the charms corridor and can do that 'thing' real well, But if you didn't realize it, Peter kind of smells. Oh_!" Sirius cried.

"What?" Peter cried out, confused. "Smell?"

"_Cookies are yummy but James should just give up. Lily's really creepy and thinks she is a duck_!" Sirius rapped.

"Heck yes I do!" Lily cried than continued the beat.

Sirius ignored her continued with the rap, "_What's up with Emily? I think she's got Rabies. She may be Lilies sidekick, but she should stay the hell away from me. I'm pimping out this rap so all of y'all can see—_"

"That I like rubber DUCK-IE-ES!" Peter cried. He waved the yellow duck around.

"Oh, Peter, NO!" James shook his head, and Sirius scowled. Lily stopped beat boxing and frowned.

"God, Peter, you just ruined the rap," Someone grumbled.

"Yeah, you suck," Another cried. The crowd began to disperse, still grumbling about Peter.

Srius turned to James and shrugged his shoulders. "Well it was fun while it lasted. I knew that rapping potion would come to good use."

"Straight up, dawg," James laughed. He smacked Sirius's hand.

**THE END…**

**Or is it?**

**I don't know…**

**Maybe, there is a strong possibility…but for you unhappy few who didn't like the love potion ending, just be patient…I might write a sequel.**

**A/N:** After (reading this, I'm) sure YOU all (NOTICED)… my PASSION for using (caps) LOCK, PARENTHIS, explanation points, and …'s.

…AS you (CAN) TELL I have a…problem!!! I'M TRYING to (get) OVER it!!!

I also didn't know how to refer to Snape. So it's pretty irregular on how I call him Snape and Severus.

I also want to Apologize to the readers if the ending is abrupt. I was suppose to work on this story all spring break and have it done at the end but I procrastinated and wrote the last few pages in three days.

I would also like to apologize for grammatical errors and plot holes. If any plot holes are found tell me in a review and I will try to explain them in the sequal….

…WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT! The Sequel "There's Something About James." –James and Lily go on their first date and everything that can go wrong, does go wrong.

Alternate Story Titles (Created in History with Emily **while** taking a test, yes I know…we're rebels.)

1.) If you give a Potter a cookie…He will eat it

2.) If you give a Potter a cookie…Noelle will write a 100 page story on it (**A/N:** Joke because this story was meant to be a one-shot but it took me forever to write and it's so long)

3.) If you give a Potter a cookie…somehow a squid will be involved

4.) If you give a Potter a cookie…Emily will rub your leg and/or tie your shoe

5.) If you give a Potter a cookie…you'll learn how to do the 'thing'…just like John Travolta…or you local bus driver

6.) If you give a Potter a cookie…Snape will put it in his sock

7.) If you give a Potter a cookie…the currency of Hogwarts will unofficially change to the cookies.

8.) If you give a Potter a cookie…a random centaur will say Mars is bright tonight

9.) If you give a Potter a cookie…Emily will want to make an Irish dance movie, starring Daniel Radcliff in tights (**A/N:** Anyone see center stage? Think that but with Irish dancing and Daniel Radcliff in tights.)

10.) If you give a Potter a cookie…Peter will hide it in his diaper…then James will eat it

11.) If you give a Potter a cookie…Random people will start rapping


End file.
